One day everyone is to reach the same destination, so why not spend every moment happily. Let’s read our collection of Funny Quotes to laugh out loud.
1. My life is like when you’re holding your laundry & a sock falls & you go to pick it up & 2 more fall & eventually everything is on the floor.
2. The awkward moment when you’ve already said what? 3 times and still have no idea what the other person said, so you just agree!
3. I don’t care what people think of me. At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
4. Dear haters, I couldn’t help but notice that awesome ends with me and ugly stars with you.
5. Follows diet, diet doesn’t follow back, unfollows diet.
6. When someone says, expect the unexpected slap them and say you didn’t expect that, did you?
7. Marriage, it’s like a walk in the park Jurassic park.
8. Sometimes I feel ugly. Then I look at my friend and I’m okay.
9. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
10. Next time a stranger talks to you when you’re alone, just look at them shocked and whisper.
11. After Tuesday, even the calendar goes WTF.
12. Math the only place where people buy 64 watermelons and no one wonders why?
13. Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.
14. I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.
15. I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.
16. One day I’m gonna make the onions cry.
17. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
18. Mirrors don’t lie and lucky for you they don’t laugh.
19. My day starts backwards…. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
Short Funny Quotes
20. Superman: Single, Batman: single, Spiderman: single I get it now…. I’m single because I’m a superhero.
21. My phone low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously.
22. Every girl is a doll. Either Barbie or Annabelle.
23. There is no “we” in chocolate.
24. You are so fake, that even china denied they made you.
25. I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
26. Alexa, skip to Friday.
27. You are my sunshine and my rain; basically you make me hot and wet.
28. I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right.
29. B.I.T.C.H- Beautiful Invidual That Creates Hell.
30. Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence eat bacon.
31. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
32. I hate it when people are at your house and ask do you have a bathroom? No we pee in the yard.
33. Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
34. Sometimes, I use big words I don’t always fully understand. In an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
35. I refuse to argue with anyone born after 1995. They don’t even know how to write in cursive.
36. Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
37. Never let your friends feel lonely! Disturb them at all times.
38. You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
39. The hardest part of my job is….. Being nice to stupid people.
40. I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.
41. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
42. I Used To Think I Was Indecisive, But Now I’m Not Too Sure.
43. Your secrets are safe with me….. I wasn’t even listening.
44. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
45. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.